The Three Phases for Healing from Childhood Antagonistic Relationship Dynamics
This model is empirically founded and has been utilized to help hundreds of women heal from childhood wounds, resulting in the knowledge and empowerment to create a more intentioned life and relationships.
The journey starts here…
Healing from early family wounds unfolds in three intersecting phases, each building on the last and moving at your own pace.
1. Awareness and Understanding: The Dark Room
This phase focuses on recognizing how early family dynamics shaped your beliefs, emotional responses, and relationship patterns. You begin naming experiences, identifying roles you may have carried, and understanding that many current struggles once served as survival strategies. The goal is clarity—not blame—so you can see your story with greater context and self-compassion.
2. Processing and Repatterning: The Tunnel
Here, you gently work through the emotional impact of those experiences while learning new ways to respond to yourself and others. This phase may involve grieving what was missing, challenging internalized messages, and practicing healthier boundaries and communication. In this second phase, you begin to become more honest with yourself, and learn to understand the role that hope has played in stuck patterns. Support, pacing, and emotional safety are key as old patterns loosen and new ones begin to form.
3. Integration and Growth: The New Horizon
The final phase is marked by radical acceptance— of your story and of your current relationships— with a clearer understanding of what is outside of your control, and with an integrated belief that you now have choices. Insights and skills become part of everyday life. You begin to respond rather than react, make decisions aligned with your values, and build relationships that feel more balanced and authentic. Healing continues, but with increased confidence, flexibility, and a stronger sense of self rooted in the present rather than the past. This is when you take a proactive role in redefining the dynamics in your relationships. Whether with your family of origin, or with relationships you have developed in adulthood, this phase is about challenging yourself to identify and challenge the role that you play.
Healing from family-of-origin wounds is hard work because it involves untangling patterns and beliefs that may have been part of your life for as long as you can remember. It’s not just about feeling better in the moment—it’s about relearning how to relate to yourself and others in healthier ways. We understand this on a deep level.
This workbook is just one part of your mental health journey. Think of it like a single tool in a big toolbox—you wouldn’t expect one hammer to build an entire house, right? Similarly, this workbook can help you reflect, track patterns, and practice coping strategies, but it’s not the whole solution. Your journey is ongoing and multi-faceted. It might include talking with supportive friends or family, therapy or counseling, physical activity, creative outlets, mindfulness, and self-care routines.
The key is to see the workbook as a step— a big one!! But not the finish line. Progress isn’t always linear, and that’s okay. Even small insights or moments of clarity you gain here can have a meaningful impact over time. Pairing this with other supports and self-care habits can make your journey more manageable and empowering. Remember: the brain needs repetition!
Honor the Work
The Have You Called Your Mother?! resources have been invaluable to my growth and on my healing journey. The workbook allowed space for me to learn, to reflect, and to challenge old patterns. Highly recommended.
—Customer